I've never experienced true pain until I went through a really tough time a few weeks ago.Do you know that type of pain that's not only emotional but physical? Where you can't move for days and have no desire to? Where you would look at the ceiling for hours with no thought in your mind whatsoever because you're scared to think? Yup. That pain. I have never been one to really get caught up in my emotions but when I do, it encompasses every fiber of my being, which has been proven a win-lose situation for me. Besides the point, I have decided to finally let go of how i'm feeling on this blog post not only as way to help myself but also as a source of comfort for others who might be going through a tough time.
I know that there must be other people out there in the same position as I am and to be honest 'it's going to be alright' is the last thing I want to hear. I can't blame those who try to comfort me though; they're doing the best they can but somehow, at this point in life, it doesn't seem like 'it's going to be alright.' The pain feels like it's going to continue forever and a day, I feel like i'm shedding a piece of myself as each day goes by. I had to read daily and search high and low for inspiration to come to an understanding with my situation and for those who are not in the mood for 'it's going to be alright', i'd say 'there's a lesson in this chapter'. This sounds extremely strange I know, who wants to learn a lesson when their heart is sinking in their chest? Surely not me. But I had to overcome this pain and realize that there is a lesson in everything and one bad chapter does not mean that the entire book will suck.
After days of grieving it eventually becomes clearer, crystal clear that maybe things didn't work out how you imagined for reasons you couldn't see before. I'm not saying that as soon as you find some reason you'll magically be happy, but going over every possible thing that went wrong in any situation does not provide the clarity needed to move forward and that honestly will not change what happened, if anything it really makes me feel worse. I have realized that staying sad and looking back at what could have been will not change a situation. You can hope as much as you want but that will not bring back your happiness and that will definitely not stop the pain of seeing everything you have worked for vanish before your eyes. However, I would say have a little hope and know that nothing lasts forever. There is no endless amount of sadness and no endless amount of happiness, life is a cycle and we will all go through different experiences every turn we take. As much as things suck now, they won't suck forever and even if 'it's going to be alright' doesn't work for you right now keep repeating things in your head that will work for yourself. There is no bigger supporter than YOU through times like this, even though friends are great to have and know just what to say to keep you smiling, only you know the pain you go through and only you have what it takes to heal.
